“And I feel guilty about it!” She exclaimed.
Damn, just when I was feeling happy that I had had a nice time, you had to do this! Again!
“Fine. Let’s just say today is the last day I ever touch you. I won’t touch you from now!” He reiterated.
“You just don’t understand..” She said mellowing down a little.
“Yeah, right!” he said, exasperated and tired.
“Don’t shout. I need your support right now, not your anger,” she pleaded.
“You are making it really hard for me to not get angry,” he replied.
“Okay, I’m sorry, but please try and understand my situation. I had never…”
“Yeah, as if I had it some hundreds of times with so many women!” He cut her short.
“Look, please be calm. And I’m a woman and you’re a man, so it’s different.” She said.
“How ironic. Everywhere you women say, we girls/women are equivalent to boys/men and when it is a troublesome situation, you women want an easier way out. That’s just not fair.”
“It’s hard to win with you through words.” She humphed.
“I just think practically..” he replied staring hard at her.
“Look, I know what you’re going through and I don’t want to trouble you either. But, please, please try and support me,” she pleaded.
“It’s not like we are having this conversation for the first time. We have had this same very conversation many a times before.”
“Okay, tell me..” he said completely mellowing down.
“I feel guilty about what we did today,” she said.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because it is wrong. We are not married yet.” She replied.
You too wanted it as much as I wanted it, he wanted to scream. But, he knew that it wouldn’t work and make her feel even more guilty. He had a better plan.
“Did I force you to?”
“Just yes or no, please,” he said with a smile. “Did you say no to it?”
“Did I tell you that I’d stop the moment you feel uncomfortable or not feel like it?”
“Are we both consenting adults?”
“Did you like it?”
“Did you like to be in my arms?”
“Yes, I loved it.”
“Do you think what we have for each-other is lust?”
Triumphantly. “Then, what is it?”
“So, did we do any wrong?”
“No. And yes.”
Damn! Wrong question.
“Is it not right if we both wanted it?”
“But, I still feel guilty about it….”
“You mean to say you are not feeling bad that we had it, but you’re feeling bad that we had it before marriage?”
“Yes, exactly.. Finally you understood me!” She exclaimed happily.
I actually deserve a pat for this! And a kick, of course.
“So, what do you want now?” he asked feeling lost.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean if it disturbs you so much, it is better that we stop it. Rather, I stop touching you,” he said, talking to himself.
“It doesn’t disturb me, baby,” she said blushing. “I love to be in your arms. Your touch gives me goosebumps and a shiver goes down my spine. In fact, to be frank, I feel like am in heaven and I don’t want you to stop at all. I also think that it brings us even more closer to each-other and not just physically,” she said, her cheeks turning pink.
‘Then wtf is wrong with you?!’ He wanted to scream, but, didn’t.
“Oh, I didn’t know that. You have never been vocal about how exactly you felt about it. Although, how you got lost in the moment made it obvious that you didn’t want me to stop, but I never really thought that you loved it as much as I did. :)”
“I love it. More than you do. But, I often feel guilty about it later..”
“So…don’t feel guilty..” He said because he didn’t have anything better to tell.
“So that you can have it even more? ;)” She said trying to cheer herself up.
“So that we can make love even more, sweet heart :)”
“I love you, boy.. I just do..”
“I love you too,” he said hugging her.
Getting out of that long embrace. “Listen, please don’t get angry. But it’s just that I feel that we are doing some wrong because the society would never approve of it. I am afraid that we would be punished for the mistakes that we do. I don’t want to lose you..”
Hugs her even more tighter.
Funny right? When they want to say something but they are afraid of your reaction and so they go about speaking it meekly and you’re falling in love with them every single second and your anger evaporates into thin air and you want to engulf them in your love.
“Okay, frankly, I believe that society wouldn’t approve of many things. We cannot live our lives based on their principles. For me, my conscience is the thing that holds more importance. And my conscience says that as long as we are both consenting adults and we are not hurting others in any way, we are not doing anything wrong. We love each-other, we want to do it and we both enjoy it, then there’s no wrong that we are doing, this is what I believe.”
“I just wish I had such simple thinking too..”
“You will.. When you stop over-thinking about something.. :)”
“I can’t help it.. I am always afraid that something bad will happen.. I always am worried..”
“I know.. :)”
“By the way, when I say, ‘I’m feeling guilty about it,’ I don’t want to stop and am not asking you to stop either. I am just asking you to make me feel better and re-instill the confidence in me that we are not doing anything wrong. But you stupid, you’ll get angry and say all stupid things..”
If only you explained this so clearly earlier.. He thought to himself.
Smiling naughtily. “Alright, let’s make you feel guilty again and then see how I make you feel guilty-less.”
“Haha! You’ll always be looking for a chance,” she said punching him.