“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” she exclaimed.
I had been calling her incessantly, but she neither picked nor returned any of my calls. She had already blocked me from all her social networks and we hadn’t talked for over a year now.
I sent her a text. “Can you meet?” No reply.
I called her again. She cut the call.
She did send me a text on Whatsapp though. “So, now you begin to harass me, eh? Keep calling and texting until I don’t revert?” Clearly, she was very annoyed with me even today.
Harass? I hadn’t sent her even a single text or hadn’t given her even one call since she asked me not to.
“No, not like that. Landed here yesterday. Thought we could meet up.” I replied.
“Am not at all interested in meeting you.” She snapped.
“Please meet me once..”
“Just leave me alone!” She exclaimed.
“Please. One last meet.” I sent.
“No! What the f**k do you want to meet me now for? There’s nothing left to talk or discuss. And I don’t want to listen to any of your lame clarifications or your stupid justifications. Either way, I think, it’s not me that you should be meeting!” She was still angry.
“I won’t clarify nor justify myself. Just let us meet once. It’s been over a year that we even talked.” I sent.
“Well, you know very well why we didn’t ‘meet’ and why we didn’t ‘talk’ for so long! It was all your fault! And I haven’t forgiven you yet. You don’t deserve to!” She sent.
“I know you are angry and I know you don’t want to forgive me and I won’t ask for your forgiveness either. All I am asking you is to meet me. Just once. Won’t take much of your time.” I sent her knowing well that I was sounding desperate.
“Look, it’s been very hard for me. Unlike you, I didn’t have people with open arms to welcome me. I have just managed to gather myself and muster up enough courage to go ahead with my life. Don’t come again now trying to mow down the wall that I have constructed with so much difficulty.” She said mellowing down.
“I understand, sweet-heart. I understand your predicament and the pain that you had to go through. But, I am not here to sprinkle salts on your wounds or tear down any walls that you have constructed around your heart. It’s been so long and I think it would be good to meet.”
“Good? Good to meet you? Meeting you is something that I can never even imagine of doing! And don’t you dare call me your sweet-heart ever again!” She sent, again getting angry.
There was nothing much I could tell. “Okay..” is all that I could manage.
“You know what? I hate you! And I hate everything that is related to you. I hate to admit this, but I still miss you. I know you have already moved on with your life, but I will get over you too. You ruined my life and left me alone when I needed you the most. When I kept calling you to meet me, you didn’t even care to pick them. I will never ever forgive you for that! You turned out to be that very person that you always promised of not being.” She sent.
I replied, “Thank you…”
She was confused. “What?”
“Contrary to popular belief, the opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s apathy or indifference. It’s when you don’t care what happens to that person at all.
When you never called me and didn’t even bother to text, I thought you had already moved on. And I was afraid that you hadn’t just moved on but turned indifferent towards me.
But, it is apparent that you hate me. And you still miss me. Which also means that you still love me. :)” I sent.
“I agree. I still miss you, I still love you and I hate you for leaving me alone! And it’s not that I don’t want to meet you or talk to you. It’s just that I don’t want to weaken myself. It’s been really hard for me to be away from you.
Just because I don’t call you, doesn’t mean I have never ever dialed your number. Just because I never sent you a text, doesn’t mean I didn’t type any. Although, I have blocked you on my social networks, I haven’t been able to block you from my nervous system yet!
And if I meet you now, I won’t be able to manage without your support again. And I don’t want to weaken myself again that I become totally dependent on you like I was before you left me for good and (indirectly) made me strong.”
“I love you too..” is all I replied.
“Excuse me?! You’ve sent it to the wrong person.” She sent.
“I’m in town for a couple of days more. You know where to reach me if you happen to change your mind..” I sent.
“I would never change my mind. And if you ever “cared” for me, please stop disturbing me with persistent calls and texts. Bye.” She sent.
I didn’t reply..
And I woke up talking gibberish to no one in particular. I guess it sounded something like, “Please meet me. Please talk to me.”
You know the only thing that is more painful than not having you in my life is that even in my dreams you seem to be rejecting me.