These days I don’t fall asleep at my will.. I just go to bed when am tired and let my mind wander.. It’s never in my control and the more I try to control it, the more it wanders towards her.. So, I just give in to it’s tantrums and wait for it to get tired of running and wait for sleep to engulf me every single night..
Every single night my mind goes all over US again..
To her place that we had explored together..
To every shop we had visited together on the pretext of shopping but just wanting to spend time with each other..
To the cinemas that we had been to and the movies we had watched..
To the hotels we had been to and the talks we had enjoyed..
To each and every conversation we had at every nook and corner of her place..
To the gifts that I had given her.. To the gifts that she gave me and I so preciously treasure..
To the quarrels we had had and coaxed each other after every quarrel..
To the life we had lived together and the dreams we had dreamed..
And when the chain of thoughts, finally gets to the point of separation, a lump is formed in my throat and a couple of tears roll down my cheeks..
Every single day, every single moment, morning, afternoon or evening; spring, summer rainy or winter, no matter where I am or who am with, no matter what I’m doing or how tired I’m, irrespective of whether I had had a long and tiring day or if I’m to wake up early the next morning, I keep thinking of her NO MATTER WHAT.
It’s not that I realized her value in my life after losing her. I always knew that she was the most important person in my life and I loved her dearly.
What I didn’t know was that one day I’d be forced to live without her, where as even imagining the same was impossible once upon a time..
Ah, you must be wondering, if I loved her so much, why did I let her go? Why didn’t I pursue her? Yeah?
It’s because she had a bright future ahead of her. I was nothing, a loser with no passion or aim. But she had an ambition and the courage to pursue her dreams. She had to spread her wings and fly high.. I was the one who was crippling her, not allowing to fly.. I was the one for whom she was planning not to fly.. I couldn’t bear the fact that she had to sacrifice her successful career in order to be with me.. I wasn’t that selfish.. I had to let her go.. It was a tough decision, but it was one that had to be taken for a greater good..
I always knew that it was going to be difficult to stay away from her, but I had thought I’d get used to it with time..
What I didn’t know was that, with every passing day, my agony would only aggravate and I’d fall in love with her even more with every passing second..
Two years.. two long years.. And my intensity has only increased with each passing day.. I….still……love…..her..