Girl: What really happened?
Boy: Umm, in short, eyes opened, feelings faded, life happened..
G: So, you don’t love her anymore?
B: Nope, I don’t.. On an after-thought, I actually never did!
G: What!? You never loved her?
B: Umm, nope, not really.. I just thought I did..
G: What do you mean you just thought you did?
B: I mean, at that time, I was kind of attracted to her. She was different from the kind of girls I had been around.. So..
B : So, it was fun to be with her..
G: Just this? For this, you thought you loved her?
B: Well, yeah, I know I was naive.
G: And also selfish.. What happened next?
B: Nothing. I could have taken an easy way out and totally avoided her, or just disappeared from her life without informing, or could confront her. I choose the latter.
B: I told her frankly that I din’t love her and that she wasn’t the kind of person I actually thought of settling down with.
G: What followed?
B: Drama. Loads of it. She started crying and pleaded me to stay. She asked me not to leave her and to love her. She kept calling and texting and she said that she’d change for me and that she’d become the kind of girl I was looking for.
G: You didn’t relent, apparently..
B: No, I didn’t.. Because I knew that it wasn’t possible..
G: Yeah, you know-it-all obnoxious scumbag!
B: See, this is the problem of calling the break up. You instantly get titled as the “selfish moron” or the frank ones don’t mind calling you an “a-hole” either.
G: Don’t you think you deserve it?
B: You, friends, don’t even bother of knowing the other side of the story and already pronounce your judgement, then what’s the point of even talking about it?
It’s equally painful for us to call such decisions. First, since you are the one calling it, you cannot cry and nobody sympathises with you either. Second, guilt kills you because a woman keeps crying in front of you. Third, since the girl starts crying, people around you loose all rationality and already believe that the error was all on your end.
G: Wasn’t it?
B: No it wasn’t. She was a different person when I met her and she changed over-night. Until I didn’t say that I loved her she was bubbly, broad-minded, fun-loving, fun to talk to. And as soon as I said that I love her, she became possessive, jealous, irritating, stringent, trying to correct or find fault with everything I did, suspicious and all those jokes on which she once heartily laughed became either lame or vulgar or unfunny.
G: Just for these small changes you stopped loving her?
B: These aren’t ‘small’ changes. These are big changes. The very basis of a relationship is trust. She didn’t trust me at all. She kept checking at the messages and contacts on my phone and she kept a tab on every girl in my Facebook contact’s list. She wanted passwords to each of my social networks, she kept a tab on every single walk of my life. She was so possessive and jealous. And she always defended herself stating that she just ‘cared’ for me and was ‘concerned’. It was suffocating for me.
G: Well, when you love her, and she loves you, of course she has all the rights to keep tabs on you!
B: Yeah, she has all the rights to keep tabs but not keep controlling my life. She wanted to know about every other person I met or talked to. She wanted to know why I did certain things or why I preferred certain stores for shopping over others. She wanted to know why I often bought my groceries from a certain shop and why I didn’t go to the one that was nearer to me. She had a problem if I texted my school friends. She had a problem if I had a late night chat with a woman. She had a problem if I talked to someone for more than half an hour on phone. She had a problem if I liked a woman’s pic on fb. She had a problem if I commented “beautiful” on someone’s pic.
It was like someone else was holding the key to my life and that I had to conform to every wish of that someone and that wasn’t just acceptable to me.
B: Yeah.. Now, may be, you realise, what I was going through.. I mean, every girl gets possessive and jealous and a bit of it is acceptable and also fun. But this was way beyond that ‘little’. This was exorbitant amount of jealousy and suspicion. I barely talked to my other friends let alone meeting them, when I was with her.
You yourself used to complain that I no longer meet you people or it’s been ages since I had a proper chat with our gang..
B: I became a person that I wasn’t. Earlier, I used to live life on my own terms. Now, I lived under a constant hesitation. Earlier, I used to do something as and when and if only I wanted to do them, now I did things because I was cornered to do them. Earlier I used to think if I did a certain thing, would it make me happy, now before doing every single thing I had to think twice if she would take an offence.. And, to be frank, no matter what I did, she did take an offence..
Finally, I got tired of it all.. I was feeling claustrophobic from insides even though I was physically free.. I was feeling terrible from inside.. And that’s when I decided that I no longer would continue to live in this tyranny and I would free myself..
G: I..I don’t know what to say..
B: I don’t say that every woman makes your life difficult.. I don’t say that every relationship will hurt you.. In fact, I’ve been the happiest, when I’ve been with women.. You, women, are the best gifts that we men can ever have..
But, there comes a moment, when you begin to contemplate and realise that you cannot keep moving forward that way at all.. That, you no longer can take in the pain.. You’ve to take a stand and you do..
G: Yeah, if you aren’t happy, you can’t keep the opposite person happy either..
B: My point exactly.. Every person deserves someone who is good for them, if not best.. I certainly wasn’t happy being someone that I wasn’t.. Eventually, she wouldn’t be happy either.. So, it was for the best interests of both of us that we break up.. Of course, it did pain her in the beginning, but eventually she will move on and realise that there’s someone out there who can give her more happiness than I ever did..
G: I’m sorry I didn’t be the help that I was supposed to be and ended up loathing you and instigating you even more instead..
B: That’s okay, sweet heart 🙂
G: I couldn’t believe it when I heard her story.. I thought you simply stopped caring and started ignoring her because you had hots for some other woman.. But now that I heard your version too, it all fits in just fine..
B: That’s the point.. If people break-up after having a fight or after revelation of some sort of infidelity, it’s alright.. But if someone calls for a break-up without any ‘reason’, he/she becomes the traitor and people begin to find faults with him/her..
G: Yeah, very true..
B: I agree that there are men who mis-use the word ‘love’ and there are some who simply use it to quench the thirst of their lust.. But, there are some genuine men too.. Who would think twice before doing something that scars a woman..
G: You’re embarrassing me now..
B: Err, Am I..? 😉
G: Anyway, so, you are, like, umm, available now, nah? Asking for a friend 😛
B: Yeah, totally, provided the girl is at least as hot as you, if not more 😉
G: **Blush** **Blush**
B: But, you know, what the heights was, she thought I didn’t care for her enough because I never checked her phone or put tabs on her. I never asked for her passwords and never stopped her from talking to other guys. I never got jealous when she talked to other guys or..
G: I guess I already like you.. (she said cutting him short)
B: This isn’t exactly the way the girls cut short the guys mid-sentence in movies.. They do it differently, you know.. 😛
G: I know.. But, this ain’t a movie, na 😛
B: How unlucky of me! 😉
G: What if…..I, ummm, say, do the same?
B: You forego your likes, tastes and habits.. You ‘compromise’ and let go’ and ‘move on’.. You change and become the very person that you never wanted to be.. Only for a small smile on their faces.. And that one time you stand adamantly on your word, tired of compromising all the time, you become the traitor.. You become the one who hurts them the most, you become the reason of their troubles..
At that very moment, you begin to reflect.. Was it worth all the effort?
If your heart says, it was, then you surely are in love with them..
If your heart says, it wasn’t, you know what you have to do 🙂