The whole day passes away swiftly as I deliberately engross myself in some or the other work and never give myself time to sit back and ponder over anything, so I manage to be successful in keeping your thoughts at bay.
But the moment I hit the sack and until the time I fall asleep, I just cannot help but think of you. Even though, it has been a year…….. Almost!
I replay all the moments that we shared together, in my mind. I smile at how naive we both were and at the levels of idiocy that we used to stoop to, when we were with each-other. We just used to forget the world and used to live in our own small little world, often landing up in embarrassing situations at public places. The silly fights, the ego-tussles, the cold-wars, the tears, the smiles, the laughter, hanging out together, watching movies, the serious discussions over petty issues, surprising each-other with gifts, lying to the world for each-other, saving each-other’s ass from the world, combined studies, late night talks, non-stop messages and emails, scolding each-other for no reason and standing up for each-other when someone else dared to do that! All these things bring a smile to my face. No, that’s an under-statement, all these memories put a wide grin across my face, ear-to-ear!
I miss you…! I terribly terribly miss you..!
I miss my third and fourth homes, as we had named them. I miss coming over to your place and feeling as if it were mine. I miss sitting with you and aunty and talking, laughing, discussing and spending time. I miss those moments of leg-pulling of you, along with aunty. I miss those days when I used to wantedly make fun of you in front of aunty, so that she could shower her love on you by defending you and reprimanding me. I miss those days when we used to take permission and go out for lunches and or movies. But, I miss those days more, when we used to sneak out without informing anyone and spend some quality time together.
Not that I ever tried forgetting you, but then, HE has conspired in such a way that there is no way that I could forget you, even if I wished to. My friends, cousins, relatives everyone keep speaking of you every now and then. On the way to the work, I see a hoarding with your name and I instantly see a picture of you in my mind. I listen to your favourite song on radio and am transported back to the day when you first dedicated it to me. I go to any of the multiplexes in the town and am immediately reminded of our last movie together in the same screen. I go for lunch with my family and involuntarily remember the last time we visited the same eatery and I keep looking at the table, on which we sat.
There is not a single place, single moment, single thought of mine, of which you aren’t a part of. You travel everywhere with me, with-in me. You accompany me everywhere.
You were so dear, so so special and important to me. You knew that you were responsible for millions of memories etched in my heart. Of all the people, you had given me so much to remember. And it is impossible to let you go even after so long a time.
I feel a vacuum within me, that only you can fill. But, now that you are gone, it’d be un-fulfilled forever. You’ve become a part of me and although you aren’t physically with me, you exist with-in me, deep within there, etched in the memories and will continue doing so for a long period of time.. may be forever…!
I miss you… Hell, I still love you….!
And these smiles are often followed by tear-drops when the reality sinks in. You are no longer with me. I don’t know why destiny played such a harsh game with us and we had to travel different paths in life, because I always thought that we were meant to be together, forever. The forever that ends only after we breathe our last. There was a time when not even an hour went by without talking and now, it’s been almost a year that we have talked to each other! And, here I am, where I once was, but I don’t know in which part of the world you are residing right now!
I so wish that we were still together. That we meet and talk and go out and be just like we used to be once. Inseparable.
I always meant it when I said, “You will be my best-friend forever…….”